Recently, a heartbreaking story went viral online — a 14-year-old boy hurt his classmate out of jealousy because the other student had better grades and a happier family.
Stories like this shock us, but they also remind us of something important: jealousy is not just an adult emotion. Children can feel jealous too — about their friends, siblings, or even classmates.
Jealousy in kids doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet — a child refusing to talk about a friend’s success, rolling their eyes when a sibling gets praise, or saying “it’s not fair.” But if this emotion isn’t guided properly, it can grow into resentment, low self-esteem, or even aggression.
As parents, we can’t eliminate jealousy completely — it’s part of being human. But we can teach children how to handle it with empathy and confidence. Here are three powerful ways to start.
1. Don’t Complain About “Being Poor” in Front of Your Child
When parents constantly say things like,
“We can’t afford that.”
“Other families are richer than us.”
“You should be grateful — money doesn’t grow on trees,”
it can unintentionally plant seeds of inferiority and jealousy in a child’s heart.
Children begin to measure their worth by what they don’t have, instead of who they are. Over time, this comparison mindset turns into envy toward kids who “seem to have it all.”
Instead of focusing on scarcity, parents can say:
“We’re saving money for something important.”
“We may not buy everything, but we always have love and support.”
This helps your child build a sense of contentment and gratitude. Studies from the University of California, Davis show that gratitude practices in families improve children’s emotional regulation and reduce jealousy among peers (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
2. See Your Child Through the Lens of Appreciation
Many parents have high expectations — wanting their child to be “the best.”
But constantly comparing your child to others (“Why can’t you be like your cousin?”) makes them feel they’ll never be good enough.
This doesn’t motivate; it discourages.
Instead, look at your child with appreciation. Notice their unique strengths — maybe your child is kind, creative, funny, or observant. Celebrate these qualities as much as you celebrate grades or trophies.
When children feel seen and valued, they no longer measure themselves against others. They focus on growing into the best version of themselves.
Psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized that unconditional positive regard — accepting children without constant comparison — is key to developing healthy self-worth (Rogers, 1961).
So next time your child says, “I’m not as good as her,”
try responding with:
“Everyone shines in different ways. Let’s find what makes you special.”
3. Teach a “Win-Win” Mindset
Jealousy often comes from a belief that another person’s success takes something away from us.
But in reality, the world isn’t a pie with limited slices — others’ success doesn’t reduce our own.
Parents can model this mindset early. When a friend gets a promotion, say to your child:
“I’m so happy for her! She worked really hard.”
This teaches empathy and cooperation instead of competition.
Encourage children to celebrate their peers — clap for a classmate’s award, compliment a friend’s talent, and look for opportunities to work together.
Team-based games, group projects, and volunteering can all strengthen this “win-win” spirit.
In fact, research from Harvard University’s Making Caring Common Project found that children who are taught empathy and gratitude from parents are more likely to feel connected to others and less likely to compare themselves negatively (Harvard Graduate School of Education, 2014).
Final Thoughts
Jealousy is not a “bad” emotion — it’s a signal that your child wants to feel valued, loved, and capable.
When we respond with understanding instead of criticism, children learn that their worth doesn’t depend on others’ achievements.
So next time your child says, “It’s not fair,” take a breath, listen, and gently guide them toward gratitude and empathy.
By doing so, you’re not only calming their jealousy — you’re helping them build a stronger, kinder heart.
FAQ
1. Is jealousy normal in children?
Yes. Jealousy is a natural emotion that helps children understand fairness, competition, and empathy. It becomes a problem only when it turns into resentment or affects relationships.
2. What should I do if my child is jealous of a sibling or classmate?
Validate their feelings first (“I understand you feel left out”), then guide them toward appreciation (“Let’s think about what makes you special”). Avoid scolding or comparing.
3. Can jealousy lead to long-term problems?
If unaddressed, jealousy can lead to low self-esteem or aggressive behavior. But with support, empathy, and positive communication, most children outgrow it healthily.
